*There are sure to be a lot of typos and stuff and it isn't finished so just deal! =)
May 19, 2007
So my friend Jessica and I had this plan to go to Belo, a club dowtown with this guy I like, his roommate and their hot friend. My friend Desiree was also coming along for all of the excitement.
Let me give you a little bit of background on the guy I like. We will call him McSensi because he is quite the sensitive boy. So McSensi and I met on St Patricks day. And fell in love over a stripper. After going downtown and realizing the line was way too long to get in to the main part, we (Mc Sensi, Jessica, and I) accept defeat and go to the Hardrock restaurant to get a drink. So we each had a beer and then decided to go to a strip club because there was nothing better to do and I had not been to one in the U.S. (Mexico only - *shudder*). So we go to Pure Platinum where the girls' pole dancing skills are basically non existent except for maybe 2. I was expecting to see some S Factor pulled in but apparently the girls didn't get the proper training or the memo that the pole was for more than just swinging around. I wanted to tell them to jump up, wrap their legs around the pole and slide down upside down, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to steal what little thunder they had. So we sat at the strip club and watched these girls "dance."
I felt guilt staring at these girls. Is that weird? I know they love the attention and that's what their job entails but seriously, I felt bad. I wanted to hand some of them sweaters and tell them I am sure they could find a job being a receptionist or something. But I know a lot of girls do it because it's such good money and like it so I need not be judgemental. Anyway, I found it hard to watch them. And then you feel guilty if you don't tip. I'm sorry but if you suck, I don't want to tip you. For example, one girls performance was just plain lame. Boring. Nothing exciting. Nothing unique. This girl was not getting any of my money. Or so I thought. She came over to me, because she apparently noticed I did not have any dollar bills to go toward her cocaine and plopped her fake boobs in front of me and proceeded to talk to me.
"Hey how's it going?" - said the stripper.
"Fine, you?" Me
"Good. Are you guys having a good time tonight?" - Stripper.
"Yeah." - Me
Enter dollar, exit stripper. I broke down and gave her a dollar so she would get out of my face. I had no interest in listening to her half-assed small talk. So a little while after that we all left.
During this time, I would leave to go to the bathroom because I have a bladder the size of a chickpea and apparently McSensi was asking Jessica about me. Mostly making his obsession with my breasts clear to her. But he also asked her what I was like and blah blah. OK. So that's that.
After that, my friend Ashley and I went to the Red Dumpster (a.k.a. Red Lobster), where Jessica and McSensi both work. We sat in Jessica's section of course because she is the one who would deserve my hard earned money. But, McSensi was there. So I wass kind of irritated he wouldn't come say hi to make. He was too shy to even really look in my direction! Jessica told him to come and say hi to me or at least take our appetizer to us but he complained and said she was putting "too much pressure" on him! How is saying hello to someone too much pressure! He says hello to his customers! It's a fucking greeting! It's not like she was telling him to go over and asked me out on a date, or that by saying hello we were somehow now romantically invloved. Guys are so stupid sometimes.
Then, my group of friends all went to Typhoon where Darren was going to be with 2 of his friends. Darren, completely wasted, running around like he was having a manic episode or was severely ADHD and had forgotten to take his medicine that day, kept asking Jessica if I "was down." Thinking that Darren meant that I liked him and he wanted to make a move, Jess said to go for it. Duh. I like the little ferret! So we are hanging out all night and dancing with each other and if I would leave, he would enquire about my whereabouts. Just like I like it. Hopelessly devoted to me! As we are dancing, he apparently thought it was necessary to show the rest of the bar my ASSets and kept putting his hands up my skirt-turned-dress (I literally had turned my skirt into a dress - it was super cute). I had to repeatedly tell him no. What a bad puppy. They never listen. I just put up with it though because I liked the attention. So we, (Darren, myself, Jessica, and Darren's roommate, let's call him Mumble (like Happy Feet)) all went back to Darren's place.
I immediately have to pee and go to the bathroom, which happens to be inside of Darren's room. So I go and do my thing and as soon as I walk out, I am hearing the song by Joe, "I Wanna Know" and the lyrics fall perfectly on the part where it says
"I wanna know what turns you on, (IIII wanna know!)"
Think deer in headlights. That's how I feel. I kind of freeze and I'm thinking "What the fuck is going on here? Is he attempting to seduce me? Is this the best he can do? What the fuck?"
He looks at me, attempting to act cool, and says "So, do you like Joe?"
I stare at him blankly for a few seconds and mutter, "yeah, sure."
Oh, I forgot to mention that his door was also SHUT! I'm not going to lie, I felt a little abducted.
I make my exit and thrust my body towards the couch where Jessica and Mumble sit, laughing to themselves at the situation. McSensi comes out of the room and I ask him for a glass of water, which he gets me. I was feeling dehydrated, and nervous.
McSensi goes back into his room and Jessica and Mumble proceed to urge me to go back into his room.
PEER PRESSURE!!!
So I went, leaving the door open. Which they felt it was their duty to close behind me and then proceed to play love songs and get it on songs like KC and JoJo. Seriously? Is this what they thought of me? I was distraught. Nonetheless, I wanted to make out with this boy, and it was going to happen. He sat at his computer and I sat on his bed and we made some small talk, which was really just him getting up the nerve to make his move.
"I can't find my hat." He says.
"What? What are you talking about?" I reply.
"My hat, I just had it. Where did it go?" he said.
I look around, confused. I obviously did not get it. This was his bold moment where he was going to make his move. I kind of just sat there like umm, I don't know what you're talking about and he went in for the kill.
I actually thought it was pretty cute the way he kissed me, his whole "I can't find my hat" bit. Let the make out session begin!!!
McSensi has nice lips so I was excited to take them for a test drive. He wasn't a bad kisser, even for being piss ass drunk! Making out wasn't enough for him though. He wanted more. And he tried, repeatedly. This seems to be a pattern. Later, in the Belo story, he tries repeatedly, to avoid me. Anyway, back to the story.
McSensi was not satisfied. He wanted to do it. I didn't. No thank you. I'll pass. Rain check please. Not that I didn't want to have sex, I did! Just not with him, not like that, and not right then! Peer pressure would not defeat me this time.
McSensi turned in to McDramatic in point 5 seconds. Apparently he didn't like the word "no" and tried his very best to pretend like it didn't exist. What a beast.
"I have a condom!" he said, delight in his eye. He was sure that phrase was the key to my vagina.
"Umm... that's nice. I still don't want to have sex with you." I replied.
He thought it would be wise to try again. Perhaps I didn't understand what a condom was. Perhaps he thought my only concern was protection and not my dignity.
We make out a little more and he tries to have sex with me again.
"Stop." I said. Seriously, I was not down for the sex.
After his repeated attempts to try and have sex with me were thwarted, the Emmy-worthy performance ensued. I felt like I was in an episode of The Young and the Restless.
All of a sudden, he get's mad and throws a tantrum. I was seriously looking for a pacifier. Did he have progeria? Was he secretly 6 but had the appearance of a 23 year old manboy?
"You're not having fun!" he complained.
"What are you talking about? Yes I am!" I say, bewildered at the outburst.
"No you're not!" he whines - again. No pacifier in sight. Bummer.
At that point I kiss him just to shut him up. So things are getting better because he stopped talking. I inhaled deeply. Because you know, people breathe. Apprently that was a bad move on my part because we got thrown right back into the Young and the Restless.
"See! You're not having fun! I mean I thought you were having fun but I guess not with you sighing like that! See you're not having fun!" said the Young.
"I am having fun! I just don't want to have sex with you! You are too wasted!!" said the Restless.
"No I'm not!" slurred the Young. "I know what I am doing!!"
"Yeah sure," said the Restless. "But you're still wasted and I am not that kind of girl."
"Well it's just a physical thing for me," said the asshole.
Oh fuck you, I thought to myself.
"Well it's not for me," I said. "I am not looking for some random hook up." Sorry buddy, I am not really like that. Only sometimes, and right now, was not one of those times.
At this point he threw himself on the bed, stomach down and his face away from me. Good lord, what the fuck is he doing? Why am I in this situation? I considered for a moment getting up and leaving, but I knew death would be upon me if I did because Jessica would kill if I left her. Death almost looked appealing compared to staying the night here. But I stayed. I took out my contacts and everything got fuzzy. Hey, if I can't see it, I can pretend it's not there!
I think I fell asleep around 3 am and I have this thing where if I drink (more than a couple glasses of wine), I wake up between 6:30 am and 8 am no matter what. 8:30 if I am really lucky. This morning was not a lucky morning. I woke up at around 6:30 am but to my surprise wasn't hung over - just super tired. So I laid around in McSensi's Tempurpedic bed for what seemed like an eternity until I decided it was time to wake up Jessica.
When I first walked into Mumbles room, I couldn't find Jessica. I thought she had left me. But, I see this small thing curled up in the nook of Mumble's legs and I finally find my friend, disoriented and disheveled. What had she done the night before? I wonder...
So we go and wake up McSensi who is hung over and kind of looks like death. He clearly is not feeling too well and is clearly keeping up with his asshole performance from the night before seeing as how he is still not really talking to me.
But apparently all of us are idiots because Jessica and I needed to get back to her car but no one had a car at the apartment because they were left places the night before. So we take a cab back to my house and I play chaueffer and give everyone a ride to their car, except McSensi, who didn't even say goodbye to me, because his little tummy hurt.
